Mothers, daughters and sisters

My Mother Debi, my sister Nickie and I... 1990

My Mother Debi, my sister Nickie and I… 1990

Mother and daughter relationships are complex because the daughter looks to her mother as a role model of what a woman is. As she grows up and sees other women who live their lives differently, she chooses between imitating her mother or other significant influences in her life. As an adolescent she may come to look down on her mother and think that other women are much better. Of course she is NOT a fully grown woman so she does NOT understand the challenges and choices that her mother faces. It is only when she herself becomes a woman that she can fully appreciate her mother.

It is a common misconception that love is developed with unconditional love and understanding. Well that is one kind of love. But how come there is often so much friction in our family relationships? People are always saying, “Oh, my sister and I, we fought like cats and dogs.” Relationships with sisters, like any relationship depend on the people involved. Friction in relationships is an opportunity to realize our differences and accept that although we can never fully understand each other, nonetheless we CAN accept and love each other.

The origins of a siblings breach can often be traced to their childhood. The eldest children who are expected to care for younger siblings may feel over burdened and resentful. “The nuclear family is not as tight as it once was.” says Psychologist Carol Netzer. “Behavior outside the family’s value system can also trip the switch. There are cutoffs linked to extreme emotional states such as, mental illness, substance abuse, violence etc. Most people think of “rivalry” and “siblings” as synonymous and negative. I think of it as a close affectionate relationship where affection is not necessarily shown in a Hallmark card kind of way.” And for better or worse, you’ve got this sibling who might have been a pain in the neck but who probably knows more about you and what it was like to live in your childhood home more than anyone else. Your siblings know you better than anyone.

I come from a long line of grudge holders. They like their grudges. They air them and walk them and make jokes about them– embellish them. I for one am included in that group of grudge holders. I’m a work in progress and will continue to work hard on following my path, to making better choices, rising up to the challenge and removing all EGO from equations.

Bottom line… Embrace the here and NOW. Make room in your lives for all of Gods creatures, big and small, good or bad.  Family is Family and you’ve only got ONE!

 ~Michelle Molloy~

“If the frustration is too great, it cripples you. But we all need a level of frustration in our lives in order to move ahead.”  ~Psychologist Stephen P. Bank~

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